Falling In Love Again

Jeanne –
A couple of years ago, when Audrey turned two, you told me something I’ll never forget: “you always love your kids, but something happens when they turn two. You fall IN LOVE with them.” As I’ve now gone through that transition with three kids, I have to agree. But it’s not just that specific age; there are just certain things kids can do starting at two that makes us start to see them as little humans, not just babies or even toddlers. And as they grow ever older, and they start to evolve into the people they’re meant to be, the love we mothers feel for them just deepens. I think it’s admiration for them as much as it is mere affection. We’re no longer seeing them like pictures of ourselves at that age; we now see who they are inside; their burgeoning personalities.

The Mom Song Sung to William Tell Overture with Lyrics

“The Mom” song, sung to the William Tell Overture, by Anita Renfroe.
What a mom says in 24 hours, condensed into 2 minutes and 55 seconds! Hilarious and talented!
Lyrics for “The Mom Song” is given below.

“The Mom Song”

Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepyhead
Here’s your clothes and your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now! Get up and make your bed
Are you hot? Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where’s your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and gloves and your scarf and hat
Don’t forget! You gotta feed the cat
Eat your breakfast, the experts tell us it’s the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at 3 today
Don’t forget your piano lesson is this afternoon so you must play
Don’t shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside, don’t play rough, will you just play fair?
Be polite, make a friend, don’t forget to share
Work it out, wait your turn, never take a dare
Get along! Don’t make me come down there
Clean your room, fold your clothes, put your stuff away
Make your bed, do it now, do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone! Get off the phone!
Don’t sit so close, turn it down, no texting at the table
No more computer time tonight!
Your iPod’s my iPod if you don’t listen up
Where are you going and with whom and what time do you think you’re coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You’ll appreciate my wisdom someday when you’re older and you’re grown
Can’t wait till you have a couple little children of your own
You’ll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now I thank you not to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew, would appreciate
Take a bite maybe two of the stuff you hate
Use your fork, do not burp or I’ll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an A, get the door, don’t get smart with me
Get a grip, get in here, I’ll count to three
Get a job, get a life, get a PHD
Get a dose of,
“I don’t care who started it!
You’re grounded until you’re 36”
Get your story straight and tell the truth for once, for heaven’s sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump, too?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said at least a thousand times before
That you’re too old to act this way
It must be your father’s DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straighter when you walk
A place for everything and everything must be in place
Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about
Brush your teeth, wash your face, put your PJs on
Get in bed, get a hug, say a prayer with mom
Don’t forget, I love you
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom’s work never ends
You don’t need the reason why
Because, because, because, because
I said so, I said so, I said so, I said so
I’m the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom!!
Ta da!!!

Multiple Occupation Mania

Isn’t it lovely to have a group of friends who are so very talented? Here is another delightful look into Motherhood by Karen Forgette. This one appeared in the Oxford Eagle just a week or so ago. Again, my children are shown but don’t let them fool you. They are fabulous actors. (If you didn’t know that you might really think they were sometimes grumpy little monsters!)

A few weeks ago, I read a letter to Dear Abby from a man whose fiancée suffered from multiple personality disorder. The man worried he would not be able to cope with her many personalities and mood swings throughout the course of their marriage. I felt sympathy for him, especially since my own husband was unaware when he married me that I would eventually suffer from a similar disorder known as Multiple Occupation Mania, or MOM for short.

Multiple Occupation Mania is characterized by a woman’s rapidly changing perception of her profession. For example, a MOM sufferer may begin her day believing she is a time management expert. Her job is to ensure her clients are awake; fed; clothed; equipped with necessary homework, backpacks, sports equipment, permission slips, lunches, and snacks; and sent to school within a 45 minute time frame, 30 minutes on a good day. This state is characterized by the frequent utterance of such phrases as “Hurry,” “You should have told me that yesterday,” and “I thought you finished that last night.”

Occasionally during this phase, a MOM sufferer abandons her efficiency expert persona to become a search and rescuer. This search and rescue stage is easily triggered by unanticipated remarks such as “I can’t find the black leggings I need to wear for picture day” or “Who took my pre-algebra book?”.

As her day unfolds, a woman who has been diagnosed with MOM spins in and out of several occupational personas. She may perceive herself as a chauffeur. During this phase, she can be heard muttering, “If I pick child #1 up from school at 3, I can grab #2 at the church at 3:12, and #3 from Stone Park at 3:17. Then #1 goes to Scouts, #2 goes to piano, #3 goes to the dentist, and I’ll swing by the grocery for rotisserie chicken.” At other times she may believe she is a personal shopper. She will stride through the stores, list in hand, checking off socks for Matt, a birthday present for Christie, deep purple nail polish for Annie, and a dwarf camellia for the back yard. At home, she may morph into a judge, staring solemnly at her son and pronouncing, “For shoving your sister, you are sentenced to two days of extra chores.”

During the homework hour, a mathematician emerges as the MOM victim tells her daughter, “As I recall the Pythagorean theorem deals with the three sides of a right triangle, but let’s double-check that on the internet.” Next she is convinced she is a short order cook as she prepares a casserole, which her son and youngest daughter love but her oldest daughter hates; rolls, which both daughters love but which her son hates; and broccoli, which everybody hates but which is good for them. A MOM sufferer may finish the evening believing she is a personal trainer as she coaches her son’s soccer team, spots a back walkover for gymnastics practice, or leads a jaunty bike ride through the neighborhood with her brood.

Multiple Occupation Mania can be undetected for several months, even years, until one evening in a fit of overload, the MOM victim will burst into tears and shriek, “I’m only one person” or “There’s only so much of me to go around.” At this point, her spouse must intervene, as mine has on several occasions, unless, of course, he is suffering from Demand Abundance Disorder, or DAD.

(Karen Forgette is recuperating nicely at home with her husband and three kids.)

Don’t Y’all Just Love Dixie – Motherhood, a Journey Worth Taking

My friend Julie Cantrell wrote this beautiful piece for the Oxford Eagle last year. I asked her if I could reprint it here for all of you dedicated Mothers out there. Here is her wonderful text along with my 3 little contributions to illustrate a few points! Enjoy!

Don’t Y’all Just Love Dixie – Motherhood, a Journey Worth Taking
By Julie Cantrell

I have been blessed with so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed – Martina McBride, Blessed

Mother. Mama. Madre. Mom. No matter how you say it, motherhood seems to be the natural course to take if you’re a woman. Of all my female friends, even the most career-minded of the lot, I know only two who have opted not to have children. They are both married, happy, intelligent women who do not work and are extremely nurturing caregivers to their brood of animal babies. They also have each said to me, with shockingly unrestricted honesty, “I am way too selfish to be a mother.”

While I cannot relate to their outlook, I respect and admire them for having the guts to stand up and say, “Nope. Sorry. That motherhood thing just ain’t for me.” Not everyone has that kind of nerve. As a result, some women end up trying to fake their way through the role of motherhood, resenting every minute of it.

As for me, I’m an old-fashioned sort of a gal. My high school yearbook has my ambition listed as, “To be a good friend, a great wife, and a wonderful mother like my own.” I have to say, after ‘uh-hum’ years, I still have the same goals.

I happen to consider my most important role here on earth to be that of a mother. Of all the different directions my mind and my feet carry me in any given day, I always return to a main path – the one that I share with my family.

I am blessed tremendously. I have two incredible little beacons of light that have been placed in my arms directly from the heavens. I can’t imagine a single day without them. I wouldn’t want to even try.

I simply can’t imagine not wanting to be a mother. What would mornings be like without two sleepy headed wonders slipping into bed for a cozy sunrise snuggle? How would I spend my summers without mud pies and popsicles and sprinklers and slip-and-slides? What would life be like without frantic ER visits for concussions and stitches and a curious toddler who has managed to get her finger stuck in the hole of my clipboard?

Who would I be if I had never known the joy, the power, the ache of a mother’s love? The constant contradiction of thanking time and cursing it all at once. Grieving the passing of life, the growth of my babies, the end of a perfect day?

To me, every day really is absolutely perfect. How could anything be better than a sweet and innocent kiss goodnight after long-winded bedtime prayers asking God to watch over the dragon eggs that are hatching in our woods or the mermaids who live in the underground springs beneath our home?

What would make my heart melt the way it does when I see my daughter lean in closely to her little brother and teach him how to make a wish or a camp or a Granny-shot? What would set my soul afire the way it does when my son helps his older sister build a robot out of a million tiny plastic pieces or make a functional door alarm out of aluminum foil and wires?

What would make my adrenaline flow the way it does when my children make a goal, a homerun, or a longshot? What could replace the pride I feel when they show kindness to another person, share their last cookie without remorse, or invite a left-out child to join the group?

Every day my children humble me. They teach me. They inspire me. They awaken the child in me. This age with them is genuine. Perfect. Pure. It is an age of discovery, intrigue, and awareness. As the mother of these brilliant little minds, I delight in my children’s love for life. They help me return to a heightened intuition, reveling once again in the sights, sounds, textures, tastes and aromas that I once noticed as a child myself but had long become numb to as an adult. Through them, I see the world in a different light. Everything seems to have been repainted, newly tuned. I see brighter tones, hear clearer melodies. Thanks to my children, the details are no longer lost on me.

When my son asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, I couldn’t think of a thing. I need nothing more than the simple smiles of my children to remind me constantly that there is no greater moment in life than now.

I admire my friends who have chosen another kind of life. A childless life. But I’ll never envy them. I’ll never want to trade places with them. To me, there is no greater accomplishment than the ability to truly, completely, without fail understand, accept, and love a child.

Happy Mother’s Day. Enjoy this time celebrating your little blessings (even if they happen to have fur).

The Next Survivor Series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name. Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called MOM!

Mom’s Night Out

It is almost Mother’s Day – time for a Mom’s Night Out! You know you deserve it!
Please join us and invite anyone else who needs an opportunity to get out.

WHERE: Marie’s Lebanese Restaurant
WHEN: Monday, May 5, 7:00 pm

Directions: Go on Jackson Avenue West, turn on Heritage Dr. (where Applebee’s is). Restaurant is at the intersection on Heritage and Anderson on the left.

Kindermusik with Jeanne & Friends